Topgallant III: Greece is the Word!
by Ek01
Summary: (Original story) The crew of the Audubon travels to Greece, wherein they must find the trident of Posideon and return it to him immediately.
1. Prologue:

Thousands of years ago, Posideon, the seal god of the water, formed the very seas with his own two flippers. It was not only with his flippers that he formed the waves, but with his paws as well.

Oh, how the gods of the Pantheon loved the idea of a beach—surfing, swimming, and fishing, et al. But, Posideon's son, Neptune, grew jealous of the attention that his father received, for he wanted to be more independent instead of always being underneath Posideon's shadow.

So, Neptune set out, and threw the trident to the bottom of the ocean, making sure that Posideon was unaware of such a thing...


	2. The River Denial

"Faster! FASTER!!" Bonny Polly exclaimed as the Audubon gang carried a massive sarcophagus.

The gang had come to Egypt to dump the body of hippo pharaoh Tawa'ret II into the Nike River, and return the Sacred Scarab of Eternal Rains back to the Rain god shrine. But a trap had been set, and now they were running from a massive boulder!

"AAAAAUGH!! WE'RE GONNA DIIIEE!!" Randy exclaimed.

"Pipe down deareast," Eliza said. "You're going to scare the baby.."

Eliza had swaddled her little son, Harold, and had managed to put him to bed, despite a dangerous action sequence taking place.

"I can see the exit up ahead!" Ed exclaimed.

"SAAAH-VYYY!!!" Jack the Sparrow exclaimed.

Eventually, as soon as they reached the edge of the desert nearest the ocean, the Audubon crew lifted up that massive sarcophagus and flung it into the ocean, therefore returning the artifact to the rain god shrine at the bottom of the sea.

"WOOOOO!!" They all cheered.

"What's going on, mama?" Little Harold asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Nothing in particular, dear..." Eliza smiled and tucked her precious little boy into his bed yet again. "Please, do go back to sleep."

"Okay..." Harold said as Eliza covered his tiny little body, and instantly went back to bed.

"Man, that kid sure is a heavy sleeper..." Ed whispered to Bonny, who laughed in response.

Just then, Darnell arose from the ocean yet again, looking even more muscular and proud than before.

"EDDD!!" He exclaimed. "You've gotta come with me!"

"What for?" Ed asked.

"Just step into my office, and I'll show you..."

Darnell lifted up a part of the sea, and covered him and Ed within an air bubble as everyone watched them speak from above the surface.


	3. The Journey Begins

"This is your office?" Ed asked.

"One of many." Darnell said, stretching out on a lawn chair and placing some sunglasses on his head. "But I happen to favor this one. Here, have a lime and a coconut!"

Darnell tossed a lime and coconut filled with coconut milk to Ed.

"Uh, what do I do?" Ed asked.

"Here in Atlantis, we have a tradition that I bought from the surface world...you put the lime in the coconut, and drink em' both up!"

"Um, sure?" Ed said. He squirted some lime juice within the drink and took a sip. "WOW! This is actually pretty good! So, why did you call me?"

"Ah, yes, that." Darnell said. "I have received word in the Greek Islands that the long-lost Trident of Posideon has been found, reportedly within the kingdom of Neptune. You and your crew must venture out that way, and obtain it quickly, for there are dire consequences should you not.."

"Why do I and my crew need to deliver it back so quickly?" Ed asked.

"Because if you do not find this trident and return it to its rightful owner, then the balance of the ocean shall be obliterated." Darnell replied.

"Oh." Ed said. "Well, I totally know what that's like, so, thanks for tellin' me, man!"

"SO WE BE GOIN' TER GREECE?!" Bonny exclaimed.

"Yep." Ed said.

"WOW!" Jack responded. "An' here I thought that just be what ye put in a Cadillac! That's the SAVVIEST!"

————————-

("Dr. Bones" by Cherry Poppin' Daddies plays)

Epos was a vast, mountaintop port city, filled to the brim with all sorts of citizens going about their day. Most of the citizens were odd creatures many thought to be mythological, like manticores, nymphs, or pegasi, and this made sense, because they were descended from royalty animals of Greek legend and lore.

"Ugh..." Randy said. "I'm starvin'!"

"How bout' we go eat over there?" Ed asked, pointing at a restaurant called "IHOA", or, the "International House of Ambrosia".


	4. IHOA

Everyone stared as the pirates of the Audubon made their way over to a table within the bright, strangely colorful tavern being held up with intricate, carved columns. They stopped staring as they sat down and looked at the parchment menus.

"Yasou, everyone!" A small beech marten waiter said. "Welcome to the International House of Ambrosia, my name is Kounávi Makrýsóma, and I will be serving you today, and—OH MY GOODNESS!!"

The marten looked up at Bonny Polly in awe.

"What be it, sir?" She asked.

"I have heard a great deal about you from Martini, Bonny Polly..." the little marten said.

"Wait, you know Martini?!" Bonny asked, excited.

"He's my cousin!" Kounávi said. "By the way, who's this tetrágono dude you've got next to ya?"

"That would be me new husband.." Bonny smiled. "And he be not a square, thank ye very much!"

Ed stood up and flexed his muscles.

"I dunno." Said Kounávi. "Looks kinda wimpy to me!"

"I'm not a wimp." Ed said.

"Here is a map to the trident." Kounávi said. "But be warned, for it is a dangerous journey..."

"How dangerous?" Bonny Polly asked.

"Sirens lurk in the depths of the waters and lure men to their deaths." Kounávi said. "Plus, there's a woman who turns men into pigs!"

"COOL!" Randy said. "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE BACON!!"

"Why is it only the dudes that get affected by the monsters?" Eliza asked.

"I don't know." Kounávi asked. "But we must leave post-haste!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Randy said. "Right after I get some gyros!"

That evening, the crew of the Audubon ate, and boarded the ship with Kounávi as a guide. Meanwhile, as they left the port of Epós, a sly creature watched from the distance and laughed wickedly.


	5. Destiny’s (Siren) Child

The seas of Greece weren't like the other seas that the crew of the Audubon sailed through in the past—they were considerably tougher than before! Everyone had a difficult time getting to sleep being since they constantly had to manage the ship, and when they did sleep, it was only for a few minutes until another storm occurred.

"Stand firm everyone!" Kounávi said, reading the map with hoisting the main sail. "We are almost there!"

"Are you SURE?!" Ed exclaimed. "LOOK AT POOR JACK!"

Jack the sparrow was hunched over on the side of the ship, feeling very seasick.

"—He's never this sick when travelin'!" Bonny replied.

"...not...MHPHRGMH...savvy..." Jack replied. "BLLLLLEEEEAAAAAGHGHBHBGH..." The tiny sparrow vomited over the edge of the boat.

After everyone huddled down (and Kounávi prayed to Zeus for guidance), the violent storm came to an abrupt halt.

"We...have arrived." Kounávi said.

The island was large, with fauna so lush it might as well have been Eden. Greek columns lined the beach, in ruins, giving the place an ominous atmosphere. There appeared to be a barrier separating the island from the rest of the storm. The waters surrounding the strange island were surprisingly calm. A huge whale drifted below the Audubon, its massive tail pushing the ship into a small cave (yet, the cage was large enough to hold the ship).

Once the ship was inside the cave, Kounávi took the wheel, as he knew the island more than Bonny. Within the massive cave, was more ice-like crystals than anyone could count. Small birds darted here and there, and the water appeared to have a glow to it.

"Bluh..." Jack said. "Water..."

He took a sip, and the glowing water instantly removed his seasickness.

"...SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-VVY!" Jack replied, flying about, glowing water remnants staining his beak. "This be better than RUM!"

"It is the Water of Healing." Kounávi said. "Be careful in this cave, for danger could be lurking close."

"Y'all hear something?" Randy asked.

A low voice could be heard in the distance.

"Oh no..." Kounávi said.

"What, what's happening?!" Ed asked.

"The sirens, they are coming..." the beech marten whimpered in fear. "Be warned, for it is only men that are attracted to their damned song..."

Three female squirrels (one was heavier than the others, another was shorter and slimmer, and the main one was of average build) emerged from behind a rock. They started to dance a little, snapping their fingers and making sexy movements.

These were clearly the sirens.

"Baby let me hold you tight," one of the sirens sang in a rather low, funky voice.

"(Oooohhh...)" the other sirens crooned.

"Just lay your arms around me,

Every night...

Come a little bit closer now,

I won't bite...

Just be my guy and it'll be alright..."

"I feel...weird..." Ed said.

"It feels like the door is locked and I'm takin' a five-h o u r b a t h . . . . " Randy said, with a deep voice all of a sudden. "I n s m o o t h n e s s . . . "

"Don't be scared,

Keep lookin' in

My eyes,

Just keep on boy,

Is like,

You gon' be hypnotized..."

The siren girls continued to sing, making the guys sway about to the lyrics. Eliza and Bonny, however, were the only ones that were not harmed.

"I've had it with this!" Eliza exclaimed. "Why should only guys be subjected to their spells!?"

"I know, right?!" Bonny replied.

One of the squirrels moved closer to Bonny. She slowly peeled back the skin on her face to reveal a horrifying monster! It was covered in green scales and sharp teeth, with bright, yellow eyes.

"AW HELL NAY!!" Bonny screeched and hacked that siren's head off.

The siren screeched and emitted black goo from its neck as it withered about and eventually died. The others here clearly were not happy, and they started to approach Bonny and Eliza.

"Ye wanna git nuts?!" Bonny exclaimed. She gripped her sword.

"LET'S GET NUTS!" Eliza exclaimed and grabbed her sword as well.

Eliza and Bonny both charged after the siren squirrels. Thankfully, it was very easy to defeat them, and before long, most of them were completely beheaded.

"AAAAAGH!!" One of the squirrels exclaimed once its head was removed.

"What happened?!" Ed exclaimed.

"OH, HONEY!" Randy exclaimed, awakening and hugging Eliza. "I just had the most PERFECT dream!"

"Ye fell under the spell of the sirens, an' me an' Eliza has t' band together an' save all of ye." Bonny explained.

"Well, thank Zeus that's over." Kounávi sighed, rubbing his throbbing forehead.

"Not quite..." Jack said. "WHAT BE THAT THAR WHIRLY DIRLY UP AHEAD?"

A swirling mass of glowing color was before them, with Ancient Greek writing all over it.

"Why, it's a portal!" Kounávi said. "A portal to OLYMPUS!"

"Why would a portal need writing?" Ed asked.

"BATTEN DOWN TH' HATCHES, YE GUYS!!" Bonny exclaimed.

Everyone obeyed, and they were able to get it done just in time before the ship went through.


	6. OLYMPUS!

The enormous city of Olympus was somewhat obscured by the massive amount of clouds, but that in no way removed the true majesty of the city. Columns formed most of the buildings, and from within, there were many figures of people that glowed.

These figures that glowed, of course, were the many gods and goddesses that ruled the Greek Pantheon.

"Hey, how're we all walking on clouds?" Ed asked.

"Why, that's all thanks to Zeus," Kounávi said. "He's our god of thunder and clouds...let me show you all to him..."

The beech marten guided the heroes over to a massive palace made entirely of clouds. At the top, was where a grand party was being held. Zeus was a massive swan who sat atop a throne of pure lightning. He smiled as he watched over the gods and goddesses dancing, and gestured to Hera, his goose wife, to come and dance with him.

"Oh, they be such a lovely couple..." Bonny said and faced Ed. He did the same.

"Aye wish Aye had a girl..." Jack replied.

Suddenly, the band started up and Jack was taken by a stranger in to the crowd of gods and goddesses who were dancing.

"Rambaddy dadie day-yada looda lam ba day

Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho'mbada zoo bada zee zo bo m'dettum yada

Whoa-ho-ho ham gadda zoo ga no baba dee gom"

The stranger revealed herself to be a beautiful, white dove. She had pink blush on her face, as well as a peach-colored dress and headband made from rubies shaped like little hearts.

"Hi..." Jack said, trying to be suave. "Name's Jack. Ye're lookin'...savvy..."

The dove giggled and continued to dance with the sparrow.

"Shake your lovemaker, rakha!

Ooh, yabadabadabadabayaa ya d'ya d'ya d'ya

Doo da da da da da da daa

Hold dee door for ol' hi dee ho"

"Say, isn't that Aphrodite?" Ed asked.

"The goddess of love?" Bonny replied.

"So it is!" Kounávi exclaimed.

"Wow..." Ed said, in total shock—not just because the little bird was a Greek goddess, but because someone like Jack ended up with someone like her.

"Step to da rhythm on da ballroom floor

Tip down your glasses and give 'em a wink

To all the flappers and the mob and Hollywood rat finks

Strut your stuff get loaded and jive

Tip tap your toes and do the Fred Astaire slide

Savor the flavor all the kittens purr"

Jack spun Aphrodite around and gripped a rose in between his beak. The dove giggled, and spun him around.

"Just shake, shake, shake, shake, shake your little lovemaker

Ah, shake, shake, shake

(Shake, shake)"

While Jack and Aphrodite danced around, some of the other gods started to notice them and began clapping. Zeus noticed as well, and placed a spotlight and fog onto these two lovebirds (literally).

"Room ba dee a doo a day

(Shake your lovemaker)

Come on and shake, shake, shake

(Shake, shake)

Room ba de doo ba day

(Shake your lovemaker)

Come on and shake, shake, shake

(Shake, shake)

Boom ba de da doo ba day

(Shake your lovemaker)"

Jack and Aphrodite finished with an epic mid-air spin with Jack catching Aphrodite, along with a rose between his teeth. The gods, along with the crew of the Audubon clapped for the sparrow and his new goddess girlfriend.

"Now THAT..." Jack breathed heavily. "Was SAAAAAAVY!!!"

Aphrodite nodded and gave him another smooch.


	7. Neptune’s Takeover

Suddenly, while the gods were laughing and having a wonderful time, a huge wave broke down the doors of Olympus!

"Here comes the snake and he circles your leg

He comes to play and make your body parts shake, baby

He comes swervin' down your hall

It'll feel so good when he gives it his all"

The waves covered everything in sight, and the gods of the seas were trying so hard to save the non-water gods, carrying them on their backs.

"He's like a jail and you need an escape

Want you to come get a file in your cake

I know he did you wrong

And I'm here to give ya what you wanted all along

Here comes the snake..."

"APHRODITEEEEEEE!!" Jack exclaimed. "SAAAVE MEEEEEEE!!"

The dive quickly went underwater and grabbed the sparrow, keeping him afloat.

"Here comes the snake

Here comes the snake

Here comes the snake"

"WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE THIS?!" Zeus boomed.

Suddenly, the waves started to become a slight whirlpool. From within the whirlpool, Neptune rose, holding up the trident with a massive grin upon his face.

"Here comes the snake

Here comes the snake

Here comes the snake

"NEPTUNE!!" Zeus exclaimed. "You SON OF A—"

"—FIIIIIISH!!" Ed exclaimed.

"Here comes the snake

Here comes the snake

Here comes the snake"

A huge fish flopped out of the water and nearly killed Ed, but Bonny instantly gutted it, while helping him, Eliza, and Harold swim to safety along with Randy.

"STOP THE WATER AT ONCE!!" Zeus bellowed.

"No way, José." Neptune said. "You've got a nice place, and im' here to take over it."

Zeus gulped.


	8. The Wager

"Well, look who finally decided to show up..." Neptune grinned. "I've heard so much about this...Audubon crew of yours...y'all are looking to return my MONDO TUBULAR TRIDENT, YEAH?!"

"What are ye playin' at, ye kelp-fed, slimy sea dog?" Bonny asked.

"I'm just saying, how do you expect to sail all the way back home one you've got my trident...WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A SHIP!" Neptune boomed, raising his flippers and causing a tidal wave to crunch the Audubon to splinters.

"Ye...ye..." Bonny stuttered. "MONSTER! YE DAEMON! AH SHOULD SLICE YER BLOODY BAHOOKIE RIGHT OFF A YER BODY RIGHT NOW!!"

Bonny jumped into the air, but a large wave took her down.

"BONNY!" Ed exclaimed, quickly coming to the aid of his bird wife.

The seal only laughed at Ed and Bonny's misfortune. Ed growled—he was about to attack like how Bonny did, but he had an idea...

"Hey BARNACLE BUTT!" Ed exclaimed.

Neptune quickly turned around, with fire in his eyes.

"How bout' a wager?" The cat asked.

"...what kind of wager?" Neptune asked, his interest clearly having been piqued.

"Uh..." Ed stuttered for a moment, before coming to an answer. "A fight! Yeah, a fight..."

"A fight, you say?" Neptune asked. "Well, I'll give ya one Underworld of a fight alright...if you lose, I keep the trident, and send your precious souls to Hades. If I lose, I go to Hades and you keep the trident."

"Deal." Ed said, shaking paw and flipper with Neptune.

"We shall call it..." Neptune took in a huge breath. "THE OLYMPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICS!"


	9. The Olympics

To begin the Olympics, they all gathered at a massive stadium covered in vines. It hasn't been used in millennia, judging by how many cracks were in the walls. The Audubon crew plus Kounávi and Aphrodite entered from the left, and Neptune entered from the right.

"Let's END this!" Ed exclaimed.

"Agreed." Neptune replied.

"Pssh, YE AN' WHAT ARMY?!" Bonny retorted, sewing as he was by himself.

"Why, THIS ARMY OF COURSE!!" Neptune exclaimed.

Neptune smacked the bottom of the trident onto the ground. Suddenly, the massive statutes of soldier dolphins stood up, and started WALKING over to Neptune's side.

"Centurions..." he said. "ATTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!"

"He's a friend to all the stars

Made a fortune selling cars

Not beyond a little sleaze

He's Mister White Keys"

Randy easily lifted up a discus no hurled it directly at the centurions, knocking them to the ground. Then, he used his very large kangaroo feet to crunch the others.

"Wifey loves the tannin' booth

Just a little altered truth

Made America's Who's Who

If he can do it so can you"

"Do not fret, my beloved..." Jack said. "I shall protect you from the—" he suddenly saw an enormous centurion monster. "AAGH! NOT SAVVY!!"

The female bird simply rolled her eyes at this, and used her talons to scratch the centurion.

"Sheltered in tax brackets

Higher than an angel's cloud

Pontificates on rackets

And cheats on his wife with his pals"

Ed and Bonny fought side by side, like how they always did. Suddenly, Kounávi was wielding the trident and running from Neptune.

"FRIENDS!" He exclaimed. "HELP ME!"

Ed and Bonny stood on each other's shoulders, and tossed Kounávi high into the air, giving them enough time to beat up Posideon before he started coming back down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Kounávi exclaimed as he descended back to the ground, then Ed caught him.

"I changed my mind." He replied. "You're not a wimp."

"Once he met a musician

Shook his hand like a soul man

Not a lot like you or me

He's Mister White Keys!"

Meanwhile, from the distance, Neptune day atop a high throne, covered in barnacles and other sea things. He was eating popcorn, then took a sip of some soda he also had. The seal king of the seas spat out his soda when he saw another centurion become smashed to pieces.

"AAAAARGH!!" Neptune exclaimed. "LIKE, WHY ARE MY MEN LOSING! That's totally BOGUS!!"

"He climbs into Daddy's Benz

And goes collecting the rents

Of those welfare cheats"

One of the Centurions approached Harold and Eliza, hoping to grab the boy. He laughed, then realized Harold was not within his basket.

"Ovew hew, meanie pants!" Harold said in his cute little child voice.

The centurion turned around, and Harold pecked him in the face, making him fall and clatter in pieces.

"A lot of trouble when he tries to find the beat

He dances like a shovel with a couple left feet

He said he'd rather own the whole damn town

Than be graceful or be well-endowed (wow!)"

While everyone continued to fight, Kounávi clambered up the massive column that held the trident. Eventually, after some attempts, he was able to grasp it within his little beech marten hands.

"I GOT IT!!" He called down to the others.

"He exaggerates a bit

Foot and a mouth a perfect fit

He's the one who tried the cheese

He's Mister White Keys"

"KOUNÁVI!" Bonny exclaimed. "I BE OPEN!"

Kounávi tossed the trident down to Bonny, who was able to zap Neptune and spear him on the buttocks.

"BONNY!" Eliza called. "Over here!"

"I feel sorry for the guy

Laughin' when I see his schtick

All that poor bastard wanted

Was to make it with the beautiful chicks

But that don't excuse the prick!"

Bonny tossed it to Eliza.

After a few rounds of fighting Neptune, Eliza tossed it to Randy, then Kounávi, Jack, and Aphrodite.

"THROW IT HERE!!" Ed exclaimed.

"He's Mister White Keys

He's Mister White Keys

He's Mister White Keys

Hey!"

The little bird tossed the trident over to Ed, who caught it much like a football. Neptune saw that Ed had the trident within his grasp, and dove after Ed, screaming.

"PUT THAT BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!" Neptune exclaimed, then used his ocean powers to create a trident made from water.

"You wanna DANCE?!" Ed asked, holding the trident. "LET'S DANCE, PAL!!"

"He's Mister White Keys

He's Mister White Keys

He's Mister White Keys

Hey!"

Ed and Neptune clashed their tridents together. While Ed hadn't used a trident before in his life, he figured it was something like a sword, and that was something he was very good at using.

"YAH!" Neptune exclaimed.

"HAH!" Ed exclaimed tight back and shoved the seal to the ground.

"He's Mister White Keys

He's Mister White Keys

He's Mister White Keys

Hey!"

With the help of Aphrodite, Ed was able to fully channel the power of Posideon.

"No!" Neptune exclaimed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"Aw yeah, baby..." Ed said, and with that, BLASTED Neptune to an unknown area.


	10. Epilogue

The next day, Poseidon sat atop his throne, still fretting over the loss of his trident. Suddenly, one of his dolphin guards approached him.

"My lord," she said. "You have company..."

"Do let them in, Delfíni..." Poseidon said, with a wave of his flipper.

Delfíni opened the massive doors to the palace, and the crew of the Audubon stepped in. They immediately bowed before Poseidon, and Ed stepped forth.

"Poseidon..." he said. "I bring to you, your trident..." Ed held the trident in his hands.

The seal took the trident from the cat's paws, and felt the intense power of the ocean come over him like one of the enormous waves he'd made. A massive smile formed on his face.

"YYYYES!!" Poseidon exclaimed, feeling the great power that he held in his flippers once again. "My power has been RESTORED!!!"

The seal god of the waves then restored the ocean to its natural balance, and as punishment for Neptune, turned him into a sculpture made from pure sea glass, and made him sink into the deepest part of the ocean, never to be found.

"Thank you ever so much for restoring my power!" He exclaimed. "Now, about that ship..."

Posideon took the old wood from the Audubon ship with his trident, and turned it into the finest wood ever known to man. He restored the ship to its original glory, and even added some seashells and pearls from his own collection to the sides for decoration.

"Being since you have done a great deed for my kingdom, I shall dub all of thee, the protectors of the ocean!" Posideon exclaimed. "LET IT BE KNOWN!!"

Posideon slammed his trident to the ground, creating an impressive amount of light that shone everywhere. Everyone cheered most riotously.

End.


End file.
